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Then they had another group that did one thing that was different. All they did was they took the time to prepare thoroughly before the negotiation. Not only did they win more for themselves, but by using creativity and negotiating collaboratively, they were able to find ways to create value for the other side. I think one of the most important things that we need to do during the preparation process is come up with a list of open-ended questions that we want to ask during the conversation. If I put the right questions together and sequence them the right way, it puts me in a much better position for success. J:I love that, and we talk about that a lot, not asking the yes and no questions, but asking the questions that actually further the dialogue. Real estate, we talk about a lot because a lot of our listeners are real estate investors. A lot of times, we go into a negotiation thinking the seller just wants to get the highest price. Kwame:Yeah, absolutely, and I think this really comes down to the distinction between interest versus positions because to your point, we have this assumption that oh, they want to maximize value and not only that, they want to maximize value at my expense, right? I think to your point J, we have to be able to hold back that desire to persuade. There are persuasive questions that you can and should ask, but you need to instant text loans do it at the right time.
At the beginning of the conversations, these are genuine, open questions to figure out how do you think about this. A position is what somebody says that they want, and interest on the other hand is why they want it. Speaking of this whole notion of confusing interest with position a mistake people often make of making assumptions about what the other person wants to accomplish, what are some of the other big mistakes you see people regularly making in the negotiation process? We want to make money, and there are rational logical choices that can be made that could maximize our returns. We assume that the other person is going to try to do something similar, and the reality is that when you look into the psychology about it, the majority of times, people will make decisions with their emotions and then subsequently justify it with their logic. I would talk to one party in private, so they can share with me instead of posturing and posing for the other side. Okay, great, I get their information, then I go to the other side, do the same thing.
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Kwame:Absolutely, and this is why I still practice law. In the past a few years ago, I was dealing with a situation where it was a family business.
When people are hurt, they want to hurt other people. You probably heard the saying hurt people, hurt people, right? I have to go through this process, understand their emotions, process it by using the compassionate curiosity framework. Yeah, no, that makes sense, it makes complete sense. I have to go and get everybody aligned internally first using these exact same negotiation skills, and then I need to negotiate with my lawyers and the legal team to get them on board with the negotiation strategy. Then we need to execute said negotiation strategy with opposing counsel. People talk about mirroring, talking cadences and accents, mirroring postures, mirroring phrases, things like that. You just tell me to start being more analytical and see how that works out for you. It also helps you with your internal negotiation to get you clarity too. Exact same way, acknowledge and validate your own emotions, get real with yourself.
Joint problem solving, reconciling the differences between our hearts and our minds. What would satisfy me emotionally and what would satisfy me substantively? Even though I thought I was being really rational, what I recognized is that for me as a lawyer, the way that I cover my emotions is with rationality. I was able to handle those negotiations more effectively instant approval loans online via text message. That sounds shocking, because the general rule that I give people is that the more emotional the conversation, the more personal the contact needs to be.
In person, even better, but with Whitney, it was a lot easier via text message because I could communicate the fact that I was feeling emotions using words in a way that she could understand and appreciate. Showing that you care and showing a hint of emotionality at times strategically is sometimes the best strategic thing to do.
When is email the best if do people still use email, right? How do we determine what is the best communication method so that we can achieve what the best solution is for all parties in a negotiation? I think what we have to do is we need to analyze again our own strengths, analyze the other person, and then just analyze those best practices. Then during the conversation, you have the conversation. Then after the conversation, you follow up via email. You always want to create a paper trail, letting people know what they agreed to, what next steps are, those type of things because number one, people could forget about their commitments. Number two, people could conveniently forget about their commitments, right?
In the real estate world, we often work through real estate agents and brokers and other fiduciaries that represent us. Are there any tips there that you can help us with?
What incentives perhaps, perverse incentives does the agent have that might be contrary to what the principal wants, right? As you go through the preparation after you download those free guides of course, you strategically think through all of the players because we often make the mistake of assuming guaranteed loan that the other side is a monolith.
I am cool with logging these hours, okay, but for you, your hourly rate diminishes the more work you do. What I want best places to get a loan to do is I want to make clear to the other side the distinction between agent and principle. As a lawyer, the code of professional responsibility precludes me from talking to the client.
I need to communicate to the client through the lawyer in a really specific type of way. I think really when it comes down to it, you just need to be mindful about the tensions and mindful about the different interests for the parties at the table, because everybody has different interests. If you understand that, you can adjust your strategy accordingly. For me, the messier, the better, the more emotional, the better.
I talk about that in my book Finding Confidence in Conflict, and the TED talk with the same name and because I like to test the skills.
What power and leverage gets you is the ability to receive concessions from the other side without needing to give commensurate recessions to the other side, right? When you have power, a lot of times that will manifest itself in the form of time, right? I instant text loans want to talk a little bit about your book and your podcast, but I do have one more question because this comes up in well most negotiations in our space, in the real estate space. Okay, I make an offer to the other party, or maybe the other party makes an offer to me, or counters an offer to me and their offer or counter offer is unreasonable.
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